With all the things that people could worry about and think they need, it had to be toilet paper. To alleviate some of the hysteria, let’s talk alternatives to butt wipe. Use our imaginations, humans can make cell phones and computers, but we can’t figure out how to clean our arses- something is very wrong. Let’s see… oh yeah - water.  Many cultures use a small squirt to wash the bum. It works, just drip-dry.  But if you can’t stand getting a little wet, try fabric. Everyone has an old cotton T-shirt. We wash our underwear, why can’t we wash a piece of fabric with a little pee on it. Being a hippie-in-the-woods, I have been doing this for years. A roll of toilet paper lasts two or three months, but when I have guest, especially women, a roll lasts a week.

            Toilet paper is evil. It clear cuts forest, grinds them into a thin pulp, bleached with dioxin, and voila’- ass-wipe. We wad it up, wipe once, and clog the toilet.

            Take the T.P. challenge and cut the crap or cut up some old cotton cloths; they’re soft, reusable and free.